The topic of this how-to guide may be upsetting to some. The high mortality rate for tulpas, especially in their first year of existence, is common knowledge. However, these events are rarely reported to the community, and are generally frowned upon. When someone is considering dissipation or after someone has dissipated a tulpa, they may be told:
“If they are going/were going to dissipate them, why did they create a tulpa in the first place?”
“If they weren’t ready, they should have known ahead of time.”
“It is cruel/immoral/evil to dissipate a tulpa- they shouldn’t do it/have done it.”
This guide will not address the first two responses. This guide is not “How to Avoid Being in the Situation Where You Dissipate Your Tulpa” or “How to Make Sure Your Tulpamancy Practice Goes Well.” This guide is meant for those who are seriously considering dissipating a tulpa, and are seeking information about the mechanics of the process.
As for the third response, I argue that 1.) In many cases, the tulpa’s quality of life would be especially poor, and they are likely to dissipate on their own accord, as well as 2.) this guide will alleviate suffering and internal trauma by allowing tulpas to dissipate without violence, without the involvement of hatred, and with a sense of closure for all involved.
*Disclaimer: This guide will refer to the person who is dissipating the tulpa as the “host”, though this may not be the case in every situation. Though this guide is geared strongly towards tulpas, it could be used as a resource for dissipating non-tulpas (walk-ins, soulbonds, etc.) as well. I cannot vouch for how closely this guide will apply for these situations.
Why would a host dissipate their tulpa?
This is a good question. What drives people to set out to create such a bond, then decide to end it? You could write hundreds of pages on such a topic, but in this guide, I will address the specific situations that may have arisen between the host and tulpa.
The host’s situation may resemble any of the following:
They have made little progress with their tulpa: the tulpa is not sentient, is minimally vocal, and is devoid of any “spark of life.” In short, they have decided to give up with the tulpa creation process. They may have been trying for weeks, months, or even longer.
They are not devoted to their tulpa. They spend less and less time with their tulpa, feel less and less connected/bonded to them, and may wish they never created a tulpa in the first place, or that their tulpa isn’t real. A host in this situation may also already have another tulpa or tulpas.
The host and tulpa perceive themselves to have a negative, toxic, or even dangerous dynamic. Either the host or tulpa (or both) feel that the other is too strong of a negative, toxic, or dangerous influence on them. The tulpa might be some form of personification/representation of a bad trait or even based on some “evil” or "flawed" fictional character. Violence or other negative/unethical/hurtful acts may be involved, and the host may fear for their sanity. One or both of them want to be permanently freed from the other and to be more healthy.
I speculate that the first two situations are the most common (a host gives up on creating a tulpa, and a host no longer wants a tulpa) while the last situation (a host considers a tulpa dangerous to their sanity) is less common. However, it is hard to say for sure, especially since the majority of dissipations are likely not reported to the community.
With the “Why” out of the way, we can move on to the next steps.
Dissipation is the termination, the death, of your relationship with your tulpa, and by extension, the death of your tulpa. After a tulpa is dissipated, they are not considered to presently exist or to be alive. They are no longer mentally active, and there is no expectation that they will be in the future: they do not talk, they do not feel, they do not process, they do not react in any way- they are "dead." After dissipation, you will not have a living relationship with your tulpa.
Most tulpas are dependent, in some aspect, on their hosts. Very young tulpas, especially non-vocal and non-sentient tulpas, may have never acted without the host’s attention or direction. Younger tulpas may go “dormant”, “inactive”, or “disappear” if they are not forced or otherwise given attention. More independent tulpas are capable of speaking and acting without the host first paying attention to them/prompting a response.
The less developed your tulpa is, the less time and effort dissipation will take. Tulpas, with time and development, imprint within the brain. The longer they exist, and the more involved in your life they are, the more effort it will take for that bond to end. If you have a non-vocal or non-sentient tulpa, it is likely that soon after you formally say goodbye, they will be dissipated. The relationship between you two will have ended. If your tulpa is independent enough that spontaneously, without forcing them, you receive mindvoice/tulpish/emotions/other responses, dissipation may take longer.
A general timeframe for the dissipation process would be just days for very young tulpas with little independence, and week or two for more developed tulpas. For more independent and developed tulpas (ones that were over a year old or so) small "dregs" may remain for several more weeks after the dissipation process is mostly complete.
The more developed your tulpa, the less likely they will ever fully go away forever. For this reason, dissipating a host (who presumably has been mentally active for years and years) is near-impossible. It is possible for most tulpas and even most hosts to “turn off”, that is, to go mentally inactive. Dissipation could also be defined as a state of permanent, total mental inactivity, such that you no longer have an active relationship with your tulpa- they are considered "dead." However, most hosts, even those who have been inactive for months or years, can be "revived" within minutes if they are given specific attention, and the same may apply to very old, developed, and independent tulpas.
Dissipation, though still considered a permanent process, is in many cases reversible: the host can usually bring the tulpa back. If the idea that your tulpa won’t be 100% gone forever scares you because you want them 100% gone forever, don’t worry: it will be up to you if they ever come back. If you never want them back, they will never come back. Having a tulpa is a bit like (though not exactly like) being married. If you are married to someone, you can divorce them. You divorce them: the relationship is over, and you say, “I will never get back together with them!” And it will always be your choice: you cannot be forced to reunite.
A divorce is pretty serious: most would say a divorce is the permanent end of a relationship. Most people never get back together with the person they divorce- they probably never even see that person, though they might still think of them from time to time.
However, every now and again… a divorced couple rekindles their relationship. They can get remarried. But this doesn’t happen unless you want it to. If you never want your tulpa in your life again, that’s okay. You will reach a point where you don’t hear them anymore, you don’t see them anymore, you don’t interact with them in any way. You might still think back on that time of your life, and that’s alright. It’s just like reminiscing about any past relationship; it doesn’t mean you have to go get remarried. Don’t worry that you could accidentally rekindle your relationship with your tulpa and reverse the dissipation process unwillingly.
What will happen when your tulpa has dissipated:
NOTE: I have encountered the stories of many dissipations that happened in careless, violent, cruel, and mentally disturbing ways. I have drawn upon memories and reflection of these events while writing this guide. My hope is that, by sharing a nonviolent process for dissipation, that suffering and internal trauma can be avoided within your system and the old, violence-based methodology of dissipation process can become a relic of the past.
Dissipation should be as peaceful, accepted, and humane as possible in order to reduce suffering and internal trauma.
It is not helpful to be violent during the dissipation process. Again, think of a couple that’s getting divorced. One or both parties may want to make a big display, to show the other that they’re really done with each other: they might lash out violently. It can be damaging, if not traumatizing. Very soon, you will no longer have your tulpa. Don’t put yourself in the role of a villain. Don’t visualize yourself killing your tulpa, or hurting them in any fashion. You don’t need to do that in order to dissipate them. Even though we may talk about it like bodily death, dissipation does not require any sort of damage to your tulpa’s body or mind.
Do you really want this?
You will, most likely, feel some amount of regret, guilt, and other such bad feelings after dissipating a tulpa. It’s okay: you’re human. Breaking off any relationship, especially one like the tulpa/host relationship, is hard.
There are alternatives to dissipation:
Take a moment to imagine yourself after your tulpa has dissipated. Mentally walk through your day. If you have only been spending a small amount of time (say, forcing them in the evenings) with your tulpa, then probably not much is different. If you talk with your tulpa constantly or they support you in some fashion, this adjustment may be harder for you. For some hosts, their relationship with their tulpa is a major source of social interaction. If that is your situation, prepare yourself for the loss of this.
Some possible signs that you do not currently want to dissipate your tulpa:
Acceptance means you understand fully how your life will be when you no longer have your tulpa, and you are willing to make that situation reality. It also means, you will need to explain what you are doing to your tulpa. Even if you doubt they understand, it will help you move forward. This will be expanded on soon.
One of the most painful parts of the dissipation process, besides the moment of saying goodbye, is when a “dissipated” tulpa pops up. They say something to you, or you feel their emotions. This may never happen to you, especially if your tulpa is very young. It is more likely to happen if you talked with your tulpa constantly throughout the day, and they talked fluently back to you. It is okay.
In short, ignore these responses. Imagine they are like text messages from your ex: don’t respond. The relationship is over. Do not yell, be violent, or lash out against these stray responses. Like any relationship, in order to truly end, there needs to be no contact. If you respond to your dissipated tulpa, it may hinder them from fading away. You will no longer be supplying them with attention, and that’s that. If you are violent and angry toward your dissipated tulpa, that is still giving them attention, so avoid yelling or mentally lashing out against any stray responses.
You may get some level of comfort from these stray responses. Or, you may want them to go away as quickly as possible. They may make you feel regret or shame. And again, you may not experience any stray responses. It will just depend.
NOTE: The rest of this section is composed of many scripts and suggestions for how your dissipation process may happen. Please, adapt this method as needed for your situation. If you don’t like the wording, or the message, or anything else, you are absolutely not obligated to follow my advice and suggestions. Again, adapt everything as you see fit.
The First Step
You will explain to your tulpa what dissipation means, why are you dissipating them, and how the process will happen, even if you doubt they understand.
Meet with your tulpa. Explain to them, you are no longer going to interact with/force them. Tell them your reasons for dissipating them. Refrain from yelling or getting angry, even if they’ve harmed you or others. They will no longer be a presence in your brain. Say these things, even if your tulpa is not sentient or vocal.
An example script:
“I haven’t found the time to force you in three weeks. I realize now that I’m not really dedicated enough to do this. I’ve decided that I’m going to stop forcing you. You’re going to stop being here with me.”
“I realize now that it was a mistake for me to create a tulpa as someone who only insults me and is aggressive toward me. We’re not going to talk anymore.”
The Second Step
You will formally say goodbye.
I recommend this event happens in a quiet place, where you are absolutely sure you will not be disturbed. You should be in a calm mental state. If there’s anything important you need to do, or you’re under a time constraint, wait until that’s resolved, then come back.
Tell your tulpa goodbye: this is it, this is the last time you will be with each other. Depending on your relationship, you may want to hug or kiss. Again, don’t be violent. Whatever your final words are, they should be compassionate and something you can remember without feeling too guilty for saying them. If you can't think of anything else, there's nothing wrong with a simple, "Goodbye."
You may benefit from symbolism at this step. You could:
You will likely find this event itself is less dramatic and stressful than you imagined it to be. In all likelihood, it will only take a few minutes, compared to all the time you may have spent considering the decision to dissipate your tulpa.
The Third Step
You will cease all interaction with your tulpa. If your tulpa is not sentient, this will likely be it: they will dissipate.
Stop forcing your tulpa, stop talking to your tulpa, stop expecting to see them or hear them or sense them in any fashion. At this point, you may feel regret, shame, guilt, upset, or even numb. Take care of yourself. Try not to dwell on the dissipation right now: distract yourself, and preferably, do something social. You have lost someone you had a relationship with.
The Fourth Step
If your tulpa responds without your attention, you will need to retrain your brain to not have these responses, and you will need to learn to not provide any interaction. Eventually, your tulpa will completely dissipate.
If your tulpa continues to send out stray responses after your formal goodbye, it’s okay. As stated above, do not lash out against these responses.
A host has dissipated her nonvocal tulpa two days prior. While walking to class, she suddenly feels a sense of sadness in the left side of her brain, where she always felt her tulpa’s emotions. She is upset by the feeling, but remains collected and thinks, “It’s okay, it’s just a stray response.” She doesn’t dwell on it any further.
Two weeks after dissipating a vocal tulpa, a host taking a stressful math test hears his tulpa say, “It’s okay.” He is startled and slightly comforted by the sound of his tulpa, but ignores the response. He doesn’t hear anything else for the entire day. He considers it just a helpful voice, like how he's also imagined hearing his father say reassuring things things when he was under stress in the past.
The Final Step
You will adjust to life without your tulpa.
The less involved your tulpa was in your life, the easier this is likely to be. The more involved, the harder it is likely to be. Either way, it’s okay, and anything you feel in response to having dissipated a tulpa is valid. You may feel loss. You may feel angry. You might even feel relieved, being free from the relationship.
You do not need:
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” -Winnie the Pooh